Think before you speak . . . .

Do you know anyone who makes it a habit to judge another person's actions before they have the facts? For some reason they find it all too easy, and feel high-minded enough to come to their own conclusion of someone else's story by judging (unfairly) on the basis of incomplete information, then share their own version of the story with others. I don't know too many people who would disagree with me on this, and the best way to understand what I'm referring to, is when someone does it to you. Once that happens, you understand it immediately. I was recently accused of doing something intentionally by someone who had no idea as to what the circumstances were. My first reaction was to fight back, but I smiled, and asked them to "tell me about it." I listened until they were finished, then spoke with such confidence about the facts, and only the facts. I didn't feel the need to add additional commentary, such as "how dare you", although that would have felt so good! I've never seen anyone back down so quickly and feel so much like they had choked on the words they had just spoken. I got 3 apologies in a matter of minutes. It was truly a classic example of someone coming to a premature conclusion based on their own fantasy version.

I am often slow to believe an entire story based on one person's rendition because I know for a fact, that so many people choose to hang on to all the gory details, add a few of their own, then pass it on to someone else. Do you make premature conclusions on the basis of hearsay, or are you one to give a person the benefit of the doubt, wait for the evidence, then draw your own conclusion? If you're one to judge too quickly, I promise, you'll think differently once it happens to you. When you feel you have been wronged, I hope you have the courage to stand up for yourself. I hope you don't sit back and take it. It is so important for your well being. 

Do you judge too quickly?

Before you speak,

think, Is it necessary?

Is it true?

Is it kind?

Will it hurt anyone?

Will it improve on the silence?

Consider the obstacles . . . .

Why is it that we find it all too easy to immediately come to conclusions about another person before we understand their story? Everyone has a story, and until we are compassionate enough to take a moment to listen, to understand their obstacles, and to empathize, how can we ever appreciate what that person has had to overcome? We've all faced struggles that have shaped us into the person that we are today. We've learned lessons in ways that we would not choose. If we would just allow ourselves a moment of compassion, we can empathize in a way that will soften our hearts. We may even learn a lesson or two that will help US grow. Listen.....we are all human beings, and we are all seeking the same thing in life. We need food, shelter, and love, right? We crave attention, and recognition, and affection, and above all, happiness. So stop judging for one second, and remind yourself of these simple rules......Just like you, this person is seeking happiness in his/her life. Just like you, this person is trying to avoid suffering in his/her life. Just like you, this person has known sadness, loneliness and despair. Just like you, this person is seeking to fill his/her needs. And just like you, this person is learning about life. 

"Compassion is sometimes the fatal capacity for feeling what it is like to live inside somebody else's skin. It is the knowledge that there can never really be any peace and joy for me until there is peace and joy finally for you too."

-Frederick Buechner

Words can destroy . . . .

Once you have spoken,

even the swiftest horse 

cannot retract your words.

-Chinese proverb

When speaking, speak with vision, clarity, and kindness. Be positive. Instead of concentrating on the problem, look for the solution. Focus on the good, the true, the beautiful. Look for possibilities and see the potential in each person, each situation. Focused for good, your positive energy has great power. Tell the truth. Say what you mean instead of making easy promises that mean nothing. Keep your word. Be kind and generous. Let your language be filled with loving words instead of critical judgement.

What we call each other

ultimately becomes what we think

of each other,

and it matters.

-Jeanne J. Kirkpatrick

Once again,....

From the book

the Art of Encouragement

by Candy Paull

Good book!!

Look for their graces . . . .

With Thanksgiving approaching tomorrow, many of us will be spending time with family. For many of us it will be a wonderful day of plenty. . . lots of good food, football, family and relaxation. Unfortunately, many families will face situations that include uneasy feelings, turbulent situations or unnecessary drama. It is far easier to be critical of our family members and neighbors than of ourselves. When we continually judge others we do not have to look at our own weaknesses, and we have an explanation for everything that goes wrong. If you are looking at your family through a dirty window, be aware that it is quite possible that your own window is streaked, and when you clean it, your family improves dramatically. If you look through the window of blame, you will never find peace. Before you make a judgement, learn the facts and circumstances accurately. The knowledge you gain may change your opinion. Look for people's graces and not their faults. It is then, that you will find peace.

Wishing you a day full of grace & appreciation.